What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
