Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
