Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
