i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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