yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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