we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Terrible idea I love it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
