Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am midnight drunk by noon
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
