TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
