She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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