I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
