The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
