How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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