I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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