Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
