highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
