The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
