Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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