So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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