Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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