I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
