why didn't you poke me back
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
