What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
