he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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