xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
