is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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