He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
