Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
