Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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