Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
