I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
