Jerry, you need to find god
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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