you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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