I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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