our cab driver is having phone sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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