Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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