I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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