My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
