This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
