I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
