I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
