So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My vagina just recognized that song.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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