Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
