you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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