Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
