You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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