I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
