He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
