i think my tv is drunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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