Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
