okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
