can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
