I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
