I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
