Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
