There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.