What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
