sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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