I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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