yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
