I'm going to jail i love you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need a beard to bite.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
