currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
