Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
