forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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