The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
