i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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