Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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