four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
