Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
