Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
