sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
