she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
